Q. We are delighted that you’ve joined Canvey from Coggeshall Town. What brings you to Canvey, and what are your expectations for the forthcoming 2021/22 campaign?

A. Harrison Chatting just wouldn’t leave me alone and kept pestering me. To get rid of him, it was either join the club, or get a restraining order! After the last 2 to 3 years for me personally, and with this whole COVID stuff, I’d have to say just to complete a season. I want promotion with that!

I’ve always wanted to play abroad, and were better than the Island! The place of dreams!

Q. You’ve previously received the Golden Boot award in this division after scoring plenty of goals. What’s the most memorable goal you’ve scored?

A. There are 2. For the occasion I’d say the Isthmian North Play-Off Semi Final vs Aveley, in the 89th minute with 9 men. We were under the cosh! The second would actually be against Canvey, where I cut in on my left from the edge of the box and put it in the top corner! I was as surprised as everyone else! Sorry CIFC fans!

Q. Who is the worst DJ within the current Canvey squad?

A. We haven’t really been on the speaker and in the changing room at the moment. Bobby (Mason) strikes me as the kind of guy who has Rick Astley top hits as his most recently played on Spotify.

Q. Who’s the best player that you’ve played with?

A. Joan Luque! The guy was unbelievable and always found me wherever I was.

Q. What’s your funniest memory in football?

A. It’s probably not that funny to anyone else, but I’d have to say turning up a few beers deep to a Brentwood Town trial cause I was bored. I then went on to win the Golden Boot award that season! It never fails to make me laugh when I think how stupid I was for doing it.

Q. If you were to create a 5-a-side team, based only on players that you’ve played with or against, who would make the cut?

A. We’re playing rush goalie, so I’m going: Joe Gardener, Harrison Chatting, Andy Freeman, Luque and myself. If I had to pick a manager I’m going with Jey Siva. He’s a school teacher so he’d do all the organising of the games.

Q. If you were to eat one food, every day, for the rest of your life, what would it be and why?

A. Potatoes! You could make mash, skinny chips, chunky chips, wedges, jacket potatoes, the variation is endless!

Q. Who is your footballing idol?

A. I don’t really have a footballing idol to be honest. If I was to pick someone I’d have to go with Fernando Torres pre-Chelsea, cause he was an absolute bags-man.

Q. Do you have any pre-match superstitions?

A. Eggs benedict with ham and 2 hash browns from Konch’s cafe. I have to be last one out the dressing room and wearing the 17 shirt.

Q. If you were stuck in a lift with any celebrity, who would it be and why?

A. Paul Gascoigne. The guy has been to the lowest lows and the highest highs. I’d love to have a conversation with him. To come back from where he was is incredible, and I’d love to listen to his story in person.